For Immediate Release
A.F.U. says “WTF?”
Top Ten Reasons Mitt Romney is NOT a Unicorn
(New Orleans, LA) Because we have letterhead and they do not, AFU (the American Federation of Unicorns) has asked PUEWC (People for the Inclusion of Unicorns, Elves and Whinebots in Chewbacchus) to issue the following statement regarding attempts to prove that Mitt Romney is a unicorn:
“Last night, AFU returned from its field trip to see the unicorn apocalyptic Broadway smash ‘End of the Rainbow’ to find that a hate group had formed to characterize Mitt Romney as a unicorn. While our reality tv tastes run more to the Kardashians than the American political system, AFU cannot let this slur on unicorns stand. Thus, we are releasing the Top Ten Reasons Mitt Romney is NOT a Unicorn:
10. Unicorns cannot use an Etch-a-Sketch.
9. Unicorns do not wear magic underwear.
8. When unicorns say that dog is our best friend, we mean it.
7. Unicorns hang out in bars, dance with loose women, curse like sailors and smoke anything hand-rolled. Mitt Romney? Uh, no.
6. Unicorns don’t need 5-car garages in La Jolla, CA. We fly.
5. No unicorn has ever been sighted in Michigan. Ever.
4. Unicorns love all things “rainbow” and “glitter”. Mitt Romney? Not so much.
3. Unicorns don’t say “golly”. It’s too gay. Even for unicorns.
2. Unicorns know how to spell “America”.
1. Unicorns have one horn. Mitt Romney? He has two.
Martin Luther King once said “The arc of history is long…and shaped like a really pretty rainbow…but it bends towards justice.” May these AFU facts help bend that arc closer to justice for unicorns everywhere!”
PUEWC thanks AFU for setting the record straight (rainbow-style). We grow loathsome of the growing number of hate-filled attacks against unicorns, elves, whinebots-not to mention wizards, gremlins, nymphs, questing beasts and wererats–that has flooded the internet since The Intergalactic Krewe of Chewbacchus launched its discriminatory practices that banned all of the above (and then some) from its Carnival celebrations. Please contact PUEWCNOLA@gmail.com to join our efforts.
May the Farce Be With You.